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How many kids do you have?

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Six. All boys. And I’d take six more please…

I shared this picture on Instagram all ready, but it’s just too perfect not to blog too. Me and my six boys. The Foothills hospital gives you a teddy bear when your baby doesn’t make it. It seems ridiculous, taking home a teddy bear in a shoebox instead of a baby, and it is. Still, we loved Deacon’s little bear, and it reminds us very dearly of that precious week we spent with our boys. When the bear they gave us for Shepard didn’t match exactly, we immediately ordered him an identical one from eBay. My crafty SIL made the bears little ties that matched the boys’ ties they were buried in exactly in material and size. (Thanks again Jennie!!). These bears sit in a special place always. We move them around the home sometimes as there’s really no shelves of any kind hung on any walls yet! It felt so right using them in our family pictures this year. I’m sure it won’t be the last time!

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It’s amazing how many people ask how many kids a person has, and I’m so thankful at how much I LOVE answering it. It used to be harder to answer, and now it’s a little less hard, but mostly I just love a chance to tell someone about all of my boys. My earthly boys represent themselves quite well physically. :) My heavenly boys don’t get that chance, so I love being able to represent for them. The other difficulty is hoping people don’t feel bad for bringing it up. I can tell some do, and I do my best to put them at ease, and I hope it works. We couldn’t be prouder we’ve got SIX boys. SIX BOYS! All dark, brown-haired handsome boys. How is that even possible? Lol. And as if they don’t look alike enough, the fact that two of them are exactly identical? Quite hilarious. And sad, but also hilarious. A part of me will ALWAYS be sad they aren’t here all together, but I don’t want that to ever keep us from sharing a laugh with friends and even strangers that yes, we have six nice, sweet boys! That first we had three boys. And then we had two more exactly identical boys because three similarly looking ones weren’t enough. And then after ALL that, we needed another one. (Did we ever.) But really, it’s so comical and just so great. Ha.

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I know telling others their ‘real’ number of how many kids one has is not for everyone, and of course that’s perfectly okay! I support whatever anyone’s heart needs to do to conquer the day. Or just whatever plain feels right in their heart. I definitely also want to offer support to anyone who wants to say their real number, but can’t. (It’s HARD.) For me, I couldn’t not say six. Anything other than six is a lie. Like it almost makes me laugh out loud to think of telling someone I only have four boys? How absurd. Why aren’t my heavenly boys just as real as my earthly ones? Especially given our faith and knowledge of heaven. I know Shepard and Deacon are a heck of a lot busier (if that’s possible) than even these four busy boys on earth are. I have six busy boys. They are just as real and just as much ours as my arms and legs are my limbs. It’s the very definition of eternal families, the essence of our entire LDS faith and gospel.

So here’s basically what I say with a smile when asked. :) “I’ve actually had six boys! We unfortunately lost twin boys, so I have four earthly boys and two heavenly ones.” Sometimes when it’s a complete stranger, say in Ikea for example, I just leave it at six boys, and I selfishly indulge in and soak up their astoundement and admiration. Because when I don’t mention the twins are in heaven, I don’t have to see how sorry they feel for us in their eyes. (Which is understandable and fine, of course.) But we just get to have a moment to enjoy our six boys untouched by grief. It’s wonderful, and strangers are my favourite.

The strangers at the Victoria’s Secret counter have been among my most memorable. Ha ha! I was by myself, they didn’t believe I was even a mom, and when they asked how many kids, their jaws dropped. Especially I’m sure because I was still buying lingerie at that point. Lol! I had to laugh. Another great one was when a new friend from our cruise who couldn’t believe a person could even have six kids who said after, “well actually that’s not that surprising, I’ve seen the way ya’ll dance with each other up in the club.” Cue the cry laugh emoji. I promise our dancing was G-rated! Too funny.

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Sending a christmas card out is one of my favourite ways to involve the twins in our lives. Last year life was busy and it didn’t get done, and it was a bummer. So this year I kept it simple and used a pre-made card through Pro Digital Photos in Utah. I did add the snow and the phrase to, “Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow.” It turned out perfect! Thanks as usual to Leah for taking adorable photos of my family for me. You have no idea how many pictures are complete throwaways due to the awkwardness that is her sister. Lol.

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So for anyone who struggles with their real number, just do it! For the longest time I just don’t think discussing anything of such a sad nature with others in small talk was even thought appropriate, but society is changing, and you and I can help normalize it so for whoever wants to say their real number, can. Just maybe we can reach a point where people won’t be so surprised to hear someone mention their children in heaven, stillborn or not, or to even have someone mention miscarriages that happened in between (because those are enormous events that shouldn’t be taboo and deserve to be made mention of it that’s what a mom needs to do). Because to me, discussing family members who are in heaven is just as real as discussing family members in the next room. For many people it is the same! So why not say it out loud to one another? Why keep these truths to ourselves? It hurts to think of a mom telling someone her wrong number, knowing she aches a little more each time to not say the real number, but choosing to let herself hurt about it rather than possibly make another feel awkward. And let’s not forget about the dads. They hurt too and can be just as sensitive and loving as any mother out there. You are brave enough. People are kind, and they want you to feel comfortable saying whatever number your heart feels it needs to. I promise! Even if your number comes with a small explanation. There’s no greater feeling on earth than for a mama with children in heavenly realms to celebrate ALL of your children. And it doesn’t hurt that the minute you tell someone you do have a few heavenly children and a few earthly ones, it immediately softens their heart a little, and gives them a bit more understanding into your heartaches and hurts you have to bear. The world can never have too much of extra softening and understanding.

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I started the tradition of a white heavenly tree for our Shepard and Deacon in our home this year. I put two identical ornaments on it each year we aren’t together. It makes my heart full to think of adding beautiful ornaments to it every year and watch it grow.  It makes my heart completely burst to think of the year we are together, and we don’t have to add to this tree anymore, but we can just enjoy it together. And I can tell them all about our tree, and the reasons behind my choice for each ornament. I also can’t wait for the family to open their gift from the twins this Christmas morning! Christmas is in six sleeps!!! Can you even imagine what Christmas is like in heaven? Celebrating Christ’s birth WITH Christ? Celebrating Christmas in a place where every single person is literally a perfect angel? Do you think all of their trees are white? It seems unfathomably celestial. Kind of like eternal families. Merry Christmas. :)

 

 

 

 

 

December 19, 2015 - 2:26 pm

Micah pavan - Just beautiful. I’m in tears.

December 19, 2015 - 3:00 pm

Tony Halvorson - I always love reading your posts. You have a very inspiring amount of Faith. Thanks for that.

December 19, 2015 - 7:42 pm

Julie Smith - So beautiful Pam!! Absolutely love this.

December 19, 2015 - 8:16 pm

Stephen Heggie - Merry Christmas.

December 19, 2015 - 9:20 pm

Derick Heggie - Thanks babe, all these boys are lucky to have you as a mom. :)

December 19, 2015 - 9:38 pm

Jamie Green - You amaze me everyday, you have a heart of gold and heavenly Father definitely knew those two special spirits needed to come to you and your famiky, you are all are so supportive and loving and a great example. Merry Christmas

December 19, 2015 - 10:42 pm

Mandy Stevens Butler - I love this!! I feel you and I love the white Christmas tree idea! I may just borrow it and add a couple years worth

2014 is ovah!

Ok last 2014 post. Seriously how many times do you think a baby’s face is kissed over their little life? Ha ha. It’s like there’s magnets in their cheeks that just suck our faces right to them! Lol.

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What a little baby doll. :) I had to take pictures of the kids in their outfits for the family picture I had painted for us for Christmas this year and this was Wattsy. :) IMG_6170

A very serious Spiderman. It’s not very often Baker is serious.

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Primary Presentation day. I need to take more pictures of these four together! Every time I do they quickly become my favourite pictures, but seriously why is it so much work to make four kids smile or even look at once! Ha.

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Had to include this one just for Boston. Ha ha. What a smooth operator.  IMG_6085

The birthday boy with a BIG balloon.

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Watson why you tryin’ to look better than everyone at Boston’s party? IMG_6229

Baker baker happiness maker. IMG_6254

Little red teething cheeks. Man Watson you were a BEAR when you teethed! Like worse than any of your brothers, so congratulations. ;)IMG_6399

You also learned to climb a lot faster than your bros! We kind of just let you figure stuff out, your balance is uncanny, you know, for a miniature fatso. Ha ha. IMG_6420

What ya’ doing, Baker? Ha ha.

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We gave Watson and Baker these bouncy inflatable donkeys for Christmas. (Best.toy.ever.) He wasn’t too sure about his gift if you can’t tell. Ha ha. IMG_6528

Still trying to decide if they can be friends or not. IMG_6526

Baker sad Santa didn’t bring him any “fast shoes”. Ha ha. Poor guy had to wait all the way until September to get a pair of fast shoes of his own! IMG_6538

Derick built these cutest little lego houses for the boys last Christmas. The boys have LOVED them and it makes me so happy when an idea works out and ends up being worth the time it took to put together!

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Of course we did what any loving family would do with Watson, and we kept forcing the donkey in his face for more reactions. Ha ha.
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Oh no, not this smily a$$ again. And I was having such a good time.

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Nope, nope I don’t.

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Ya, we are not friends at all!IMG_6591

You guys are all jerks! Ha ha. IMG_6594IMG_6578

Finished off the year with some Whitefish fun. :) These boys got to sleep out on the couch for the first time, and I think they felt big. Dang, they are big. IMG_6631

Watson is obsessed with toothbrushes and also with just eating the kids’ toothpaste. Ha ha. Didn’t learn that one from me. Ha!IMG_6731

Henry and Baker, can’t even handle it. IMG_6696

Also loving this cute trio of cousins who can play in that hot tub like nobody’s business! IMG_6657IMG_6634Ok, done. :) 2014 in a day. Feels good. Like maybe I can figure out how to get 2015’s edited pics out of Lightroom now. Lol. Happy Halloween! :)

Slow September

Oh September, I shouldn’t like you because Derick has to go back to work, but I really, really do. Especially warm ones! It’s fun doing a million things all summer and tiring yourself out so much that you look forward to September. And kids who play make believe are just the greatest. Van earlier today walked by all dressed up with Baker sort of slugging behind him like a dog on a leash. He says, “He’s a shark, I’m helping him find his dad.” Ha ha. Okay then!

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Ok fine, I miss you when you’re all dressed up cute like this! I’m a puddle! IMG_5439

First day of Grade 2 and kindergarten. Loved their excitement over their matching cool bro shirts. Ha ha. May have to hold onto those ones.

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Bus stop love. IMG_5466
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Ha ha ha every time I put Watson in his chair off the counter I wonder, is today the day he is too heavy for it? Lol. IMG_5488

Just lots of September shenanigans! IMG_5500IMG_5501

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Boston sat out in the garden forever digging up the rest of our carrots one evening. Yum. This was the October he wanted to be a carrot and he was loving all the garden carrots. Nothing more fun than ordering a little carrot costume and this year it was a banana. Hoping this cute trend continues! IMG_5567IMG_5575 Seriously that round face of yours Watson!! IMG_5645

Baker turning 4. He is the funnest person in the world to give a gift to. He overreacts like nobody’s business as you can see, hugging his backpack with pure joy. Ha ha.

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All he wanted was a spiderman costume, and he’s put it to very good use. :) IMG_5702Ha ha ha these next couple pictures make me laugh every time! So many emotions huh Bakes? Scary candles anyways.IMG_5726IMG_5730 (2)

Derick should probably start teaching kindergarten because wow are they ever cute!!!

IMG_5763This rug is currently missing somewhere in my house and it’s driving me crazy. Ha ha. How do I misplace an entire rug?

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The banana love continues. Same with the bro love.

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Funny to be posting last year’s Halloween pictures on Halloween a year later. Ha ha. He literally wore all the same clothes this year, just a banana instead of a carrot. Lol. IMG_5938

First year no one was an owl! But one of my nieces was instead, so it was okay. Phewsh.  IMG_5950

The matching duo. Like peas and carrots. :) IMG_5989IMG_6021IMG_6030

Watson wearing the pea costume Van first wore. Same one I’d planned on putting the twins in as two peas in a pod when I was pregnant with them. Happy and thankful little rainbow Watson got to wear it. Man he’s cute.

 

August 2014

It’s always so adorable when they’re so tired from swimming they just pass right out afterwards. Boston does seem to do it the most. :)

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Hi dark blue-eyed baby boy!IMG_4563

How I love the swing! We didn’t have one with Van and I’m not sure how! He was a good baby though we must not have needed it. Ha. Or maybe we loved him more. ;) We had one on each floor with Watson, and Derick rigged them both to plug in and not need batteries thankfully or we would have gone through a LOT. IMG_4570

Boss dancing up a storm in Derick’s shop after watching an episode of SYTYCD? Ha ha. Can you see his sweaty forehead? It was like he just had MOVES that needed to get out. So funny. We should watch that more. IMG_4576

Sigh, when you’re on maternity leave you even have time to stop and take pictures by the oversized tractor after driving straight past it for like six years. Ha ha. Cute nephews with cute Aunt Leah. :) She just stayed at our place and watched all of our boys for a week! They had the best time, and so did we. Ha. Thanks again sista.

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Forced pictures, two out of four cute, not bad.

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That is one ROUND little face there Watts! Ha ha.

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You can always count on Leah for music on the beach. Most of it too hip for me to recognize, but Baker’s hips don’t lie.
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He has a special skill set. IMG_4844

I miss taking Van to hip hop!!IMG_4828

So my bro Kimball built this CRAZY floating dock that they can pull to the lake with a truck and put it in/out like a boat. Hilarious, no? And so so awesome. It was too windy this past summer to really enjoy the dock or the SUP board, making me look forward to next summer all ready! Dumb wind. IMG_4783IMG_4779

Love our annual Wasa fam picture! There’s three fair-haired kids in our family and three dark-haired, so it’s fun to see it come out in all the littles. :) I love that some of Jolene’s kids remind me of Uncle Boyd. Derick has some fair-haired sibs too, which is why I still can’t believe we only have ever made dark-haired kids, not to mention just BOYS, but I digress. Ha ha. (And I’m certainly not complaining).  IMG_4672

Leah took some pictures of everyone’s little families for my mom’s living room wall this Wasa trip. Six pinecones for six boys. :) Had to think on the spot.

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Passed out asleep at a peaceful…mud bog. Ha. So loud! Good thing we had the thinnest gauze blanket there to protect his ears?

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As usual, Oh Baker! Ha ha. This is actually September long weekend in the mountains. Cute blonde corn huskers.

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Bakes just bein’ super proud of his luck in the boat races. IMG_5069IMG_5046IMG_5029IMG_5028IMG_5011

Derick ordered a giant pack of these glow sticks for one of the nights and it was pretty cute to see the kids excited about having so many. It was fun taking pictures of too. :) We turned some music on and it felt like a little family camping nightclub. Ha. IMG_4988IMG_4980IMG_4964

Just doing manly things in manly locations I guess. IMG_4955

Campy!! I’m happy to report I don’t miss Campy at all! Ha ha. We just had way too much fun in our trailer this summer. We spent something like 25 days total in it! Ha. Hey Watson thanks for not drooling anymore! And for continuing with your daily doses of cuteness. IMG_4939

We did come up with the idea to move a couple kids to the cab of the truck this trip though! Wish we’d thought of it years earlier! Made Campy a lot less crampy, and the boys loved it, and they had a place to play on the iPad and chill. My kids need quiet/down time…pretty sure I’ve taught them that habit. Ha ha. Almost done my 2014 posts! Then who knows what else a person could be capable of doing!! Lol.

 

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C o n n e c t